Husband refuses to join his wife's week-long family vacation after they had already agreed never to take the trip again: ‘I felt betrayed’

Author image for Cata Holmes
Cata Holmes • Writer
Jun 28, 2026 6:00 AM EDT

Is it okay to break a promise just because it's "for the family"?

This is a complicated situation to be in. It's essentially having to choose between your own family and your husband. And the tension that is created in this argument is very uncomfortable. Of course, I understand the position of the husband. He doesn't like the style of vacation his wife's family takes, and it's fine if he just wants to skip it.

Honestly, the response he has is reasonable, and I understand it: he'll only go for two nights and leave her with the kids if they want to stay. Sounds fair to me. I think the wife is being unreasonable. She's going to have the best of both worlds, and I don't think she has to take that position in which she gets mad and forces the husband to stay for the whole week. 

This story reflects exactly how every family has different types of vacation styles. There are some people who like to get up as early as possible and do fun activities the whole day, while others prefer to rest and just move when they want to. All of this will sometimes turn into a conflicted situation when you get married, and you have to make it work.

I also think this situation goes beyond the vacation itself. If they had never discussed it before, I could understand why the wife assumed everyone would just go along with it. But according to the story, they had already sat down together and agreed that this particular trip no longer worked for their family. That's why I understand why the husband feels betrayed. 

It isn't about the beach or even the week away: it's about feeling like a decision they made together was later overturned without his input. Hopefully, once emotions settle, they can have an honest conversation and figure out a vacation that makes everyone feel heard instead of forcing one person to sacrifice their own time off.

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  • A frustrated husband sits on the couch while his wife looks away, highlighting tension after a heated disagreement.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    A frustrated husband sits on the couch while his wife looks away.

  • For years, my wife, our two kids, and I went to the same beach town for a week with part of my wife's family: her brother, SIL, their kids, and her mom. We originally did this because another sibling's family lived there, so it was a chance for all the cousins to be together.
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  • The issue is that the trip became extremely repetitive and rigid. Same beach, same street, same basic schedule, same restaurants/meals on the same days, strict quiet times/bedtimes, very little flexibility.
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  • My wife's family is very routine-driven and frugal. My family is structured too, but on vacation we like variety, activities, and some flexibility. When the other sibling's family still lived there, there was more balance. Once they stopped going, it became just us and the routine-driven side.
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  • The last couple years were miserable. The houses got smaller while the kids got bigger, the routine became more rigid, our kids were bored and stir-crazy, and I ended up trying to take them out to do things just to break up the week. That caused tension because I was "going outside the plan." My wife was also stressed and admitted afterward that the trip was no longer enjoyable.
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  • After the last trip, my wife and I had a long conversation and agreed we would not do that same vacation again. We talked about trying something different: mountains, lake, different beach, really anything else.
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  • Recently, my wife handed me her phone and asked which vacation house was nicer. It was the same beach, same street, basically the same exact trip again. I was angry because I thought we had already agreed this was done.
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  • Her explanation is that her mom said this location is sentimental to her and that she wanted all the grandkids together there. Her brother's family agreed immediately.
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  • My wife says it was "this or nothing," so she chose this because getting Grandma and the grandkids together was important to her. She has already fully committed herself and our kids to going for the full week, and she assumed I would eventually just agree and go too.
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  • My issue is that I feel like her mom and brother made the decision, my wife accepted it, and I was informed after the fact. I told her I felt betrayed and isolated because we had already agreed as a couple not to repeat this trip. She keeps circling back to "this is important to me, why won't you just do it for me?"
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  • We've been fighting for a solid week about it, so I offered a compromise - I said that because it's become so important to her, I'd come for the last two nights. She has committed herself and the kids for the full week. Now she says that since she knows | don't want to be there, I've ruined it, and asks why I have to "act like this." She has also brought it up around the kids, so now they know there is conflict.
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  • I am not trying to stop the kids from seeing their grandmother. I am not saying no to them going. I am saying no to spending a full week of my vacation time repeating the exact trip we already agreed was bad for our family.
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  • A couple sits apart on the sofa in silence
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    A couple sits apart on the sofa in silence

  • Squinky75 How about you go and stop letting them dictate the plan. You want to take the kids somewhere, take them. And let them complain.
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  • Trick-Love-4571 NTA but your wife is. She can go alone if she wants, the kids shouldn't be forced into it and neither should you.
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  • Aidyn_the_Grey NTA. Well maybe a slight E S H for allowing your wife to take your kids on a vacation they are sure to hate. Your wife needs to put her big girl on, grow a spine, and tell her mother NO. Forreal, doing the same miserable vacation year after year is straight up asinine.
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  • enby-wgong-slxt NTA, your wife should have spoken to you before making plans FOR you.
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  • iffyfell NTAH "this is important to me, why won't you just do it for me?" that's manipulative af. if its so important to her, she should've brought it up when you two were agreeing on not going there again, or at the very least brought you in on the discussion before she unilaterally trashed said agreement.
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  • krendyB NTA but the problem isn't the vacation, it's that your wife has now made you the bad guy to both your kids and her family. You're supposed to be a team.
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  • I_like_flowers_ are the kids old enough to be asked what sort of vacation they want to go on? not pick mom or dad, but framed as "what should we do next year as a family".
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  • A woman gestures for space while a man tries to speak with her
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    A woman gestures for space while a man tries to speak with her.

  • Proud-Geek1019 I would honestly ask your wife why her mother's happiness means more to her than yours or your children's. That you want your family to have more experiences, but you cannot when it's always the same thing. Her families inflexibility shouldn't doom your family - and it is.
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  • JangaGully2424 Also your wife is not only immature by getting your kids involved in this disagreement, but she is also vindictive.
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  • skabillybetty NTA. You and your wife had agreed to do something different, then your wife went behind your back with her family and made a decision without you. Compromising to her and the kids going the full week and you coming for a couple of nights feels completely fair.
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  • Hopefully, this disagreement becomes an opportunity for the couple to rethink how they make decisions together going forward. Family traditions are meaningful, but they shouldn't come at the expense of agreements made within a marriage. A vacation is supposed to help people reconnect and recharge, not become the source of resentment before it even begins.

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